By Audrey Delaney
An account of a scared and harm little woman who controlled to confront her demons and reclaim her existence.
Read Online or Download All My Fault: The true story of a sadistic father and a little girl left destroyed PDF
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Extra resources for All My Fault: The true story of a sadistic father and a little girl left destroyed
It was only when I heard the words ‘child abuse’ that I jolted upwards and froze. Every bone in my body tensed up and I felt my fists clenching involuntarily. The words had struck a chord with me. I tried to push them out of my mind and pretend I hadn’t heard them. But it was too late. A door had been opened somewhere in my mind—one that I had sealed shut a very long time ago. I found myself short of breath, and I had a sense of falling into a black void. I sat in the car for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for the music to wash over me again, to wash away the bad memories.
At the beginning of first class, I clung to Mrs Ray’s every word and did whatever I could to please her. Any attention she gave me was like a ray of sunshine in my life. If she ticked my homework with a red pen, which meant ‘very good’, I was over the moon. But as the year went on her approval stopped being enough to keep me happy. I felt increasingly stressed and different to the other children. The feeling of emptiness intensified. I was depressed but at the age of six I had no understanding of what this even meant.
God, love didn’t get any better than what I felt for these two. As time went on, I fell even more in love with Puddens. I used to make him pretend to be a baby monkey and tell him that I was the Mammy monkey and if he clung to me I’d carry him along. He’d wrap his tiny little arms around my neck and his legs around my waist and off we’d go. I was very close to my other younger brother Fergus too. We played together a lot, talked loads and just got on well without any fighting. You couldn’t fight with him anyway even if you’d wanted to—it just wasn’t in his nature.